Why I sigh

Personal junk, things I think are funny, sad stuff, happy stuff, just my life as I see it + lots of dreams. (Disclaimer- Not everything that appears in this blog is 100% accurate.)

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Cool

I went to this sale yesterday and got a whole bunch of frames for about a dollar a piece. When I got home I immediately started to figure out which painting to put in which frame, of course. I didn't decide on all of them, but I did find a cool frame for "Hair" which is good since it's one of my favs. I also found this great picture. I don't know who painted it because the person that framed it covered up the sig and I can't read it.
I'm thinking about looking it up on the net. I think I might like it even more than the Monet. Did I tell you about the Monet? It's kinda dark and the new one is much brighter. Odd since the new one is.. well, I'll describe it for you.
OK. If you were standing where it looks like the artist must have been standing there would be water on your right. I think it might be a river. There is a man in a boat taking something out of the water. In front of you would be coils of rope on the side of the road, people walking, a man with a horse talking to another man who is standing in a doorway and a woman stooping in another doorway. In the background there are more people, more buildings, a clock tower, a pretty tree, and a man standing on the bridge over the water. The wind is blowing hard from the left. The clouds are dark and it is either raining or has just finished raining and the sun is casting shadows from left to right, though I have absolutely no clue where it's coming from. Of course it's to the left, but to be casting the shadows in the painting... I guess the sun would be to the left and slightly behind you. ... no that can't be- the shadows from the bridge railings aren't right for that... Ok I'm totally ruining my painting for me. :(
ANyways, it's beautiful and I really wanna display it on the wall. I just have to find a spot for it. I'll probably take down this picture of flowers. The vase the flowers are in always bothers me when I look at it too closely- it's crooked.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I QUIT!!!!!!

YAY! FINALLY! WHOO HOO!!
It's been almost 3 weeks now without a cig.

somewhat odd dream

I went on a date with this guy. I don't remember his name. We went out twice, neither date was very lengthy. A few days later I was talking to his sister, I had just gotten back from somewhere.. I think I had been gone for 3 or 4 days... She pushed the button on the answering machine to playback all the messages. Her brother had left a bunch of messages on the machine. We were listening to the first or second one when he called again, the machine had picked that call up too. He was all upset, thiinking I was giving him the brush off, that I didn't want to see him and was sounding almost suicidal. His sister started talking to him trying to calm him down. His mom found out aabout the things he was saying and blamed me for her son acting suicidal. I had just gotten there, I had been out of town, I hadn't recieved any messages until right then and I had no clue that he even liked me half enough to act that way. I mean we HAD only been on two dates, he didn't even really talk all that much either, I didn't know a thing about him really. Still his parents acted as if I should have an answer. He asked me to marry him and I couldn't say anything either way. I kinda did like him, but not enough to agree to marry him. I said that I would think about it if we could go out on more dates and actually get to know each other.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Last Night's Dream

I dreamt that these people were going to take my daughter and that I could do nothing about it, but that it would be ok because even though they said it would be months before I saw her again she would return in 2 weeks or less. (The people in the dream didn't really look like my aunt and uncle nor did the girl look like my daughter.) I wasn't terribly upset by the news, but I didn't like the idea in the least.
I was busy preparing the house, my son was moving in. He was already there, but had no place to sleep yet. He and his cousin were playing and getting under foot and I said he should go help his grandmother. He went into the kitchen to see what she was doing and started washing the dishes for her. I was almost finished with what I was doing, when I realized he was still in the kitchen washing dishes. I called into the kitchen for him to stop, to come see what his room was going to look like and to give input as to how it should be decorated. He wouldn't stop washing the dishes though. It was as if he didn't hear me asking him to stop. I didn't mean for him to wash dishes in the first place, I just meant for him to be out of the living room for 5 minutes, and with adult supervision. So I put down everything I was doing to go get him. I walked into the dining room and my uncle was there I don't recall arguing or really hearing him say a single word, I just felt as if I needed to be defensive and at the same time ready to go on the offensive if need be. There was a wolf outside, I saw it walk through the yard past the window. I felt the shadow of the wolf coming up behind me and becoming part of me. I embraced the feeling of strength, righteousness, singlemindedness, there was no conflicting emotion once I embraced the wolf. There was just A and B - A was happening and B was what was to be done about it. I yelled, I screamed, I did everything except physically harming my uncle. As I said though I don't recall what happened in the dream for me to be yelling and all that, but after that I had this feeling of having defended myself and my child. I woke up feeling as if the important part of that dream was the wolf and the fact that I needed to embrace the wolf and all that....
Well... Earlier tonight I was in my room at my computer when I overheard my uncle blaming me for something I did not do. We have been trying to spruce the house up since my grandfather died because so much was left unfinished, and my cousin had come over and she started painting the doors and everything without properly preparing the surface and the paint is peeling off in spots and she got paint all over the wallpaper. She was right there when he started saying that *I* shouldn't be painting and that *I* needed to stop it. He knew she was the one that did it, yet he was saying that it was me, I came out of my room and we got in this really loud ugly fight and I actually started cussing at him using words I don't like to use and I didn't think a thing of using them against him.
I don't recall everything that he said, I don't think I recall everything I said either. I practically called him a thief and he called me lazy. He told me to mind my own business I informed him that I live here and what goes on here is my business and that he should be minding his own business since he doesn't live here and nothing that goes on here has anything at all to do with him.
Generally I would feel as if there was absolutely no reason for me to have been so.... Um... Loud, defensive, offensive, etc. BUT- none of that even crossed my mind at the time. I didn't think about anything at all except -He was wrong, I was right, he needed to stop, I needed to stop him. After he left and everything calmed down, I went back to my computer and eventually started thinking about posting my dream, then it hit me- the whole scene with the fight is almost exactly what just happened. For a second I was thinking that I should have seen it coming, that I was forewarned in a way, then again- it was just a dream and if you take all dreams seriously .. well... LOL...
I mean really.
Missy tells me her dreams sometimes. Her dreams almost always have an actor in them, sometimes a whole cast. She has dreams about the show "Friends" and once had a dream where this one actor was being cooked in a pot. I don't think we need to take those seriously.
I once dreamt that my ex-bf Boone was the president of some country... He was from Laos and in the dream he was the leader of some south american country.... I don't think that one is coming true either.
I posted months and months ago about this dream I had about Marc shooting me in the chest, in the heart. Is Marc going to shoot me in the heart with a pistol? I don't think so, but he certainly has a knack for crushing my heart, ripping it right out of my chest and spitting on it. It hurts every time because I never see it coming.
One dream that kinda did come true though was the "Ian Dream" I told you all about months back. (http://anagrohm.blogspot.com/2004/09/ian-dream.html read the comment ) ALthough I didn't hear a word from him after that dream for months, when I did hear from him it was him telling me that he was dating this girl and was very happy. We talked on the phone later and he told me he didn't want me to think he didn't want to be friends still just because he was dating someone else, but that he he been busy and stuff...
Another dream that hasn't come true? Um... So many it's ridiculous. Just read any dream posted here that sounds utterly fantastic.