Jumbled dreams
I hadn't been a member of the band. I stayed out of the spotlight. I was the sibling of the members. I think I wrote songs or something...
I didn't want to be around people too much and if I were an actual part of the band I would have to sign autographs and there were too many chances that I'd be touched and see another's life.My mother didn't want me to put myself in a situation that I couldn't control, but I thought I could, I thought I was more in control of it than I was. I thought I could contain it.
They were going somewhere for a little bit and I said I would go back to the hotel room, but I was mad, and I needed to clear my head, to let off some steam, so I went for a walk and saw the school and went in.Since I wasn't really a member of the band, my picture wasn't out yet, I didn't think many people would know who I was. I went to a high school, where the band was going to visit later in the day, to check it out. We were staying at the motel practically right next to the school. I walked over to the school and thought I'd pretend to be a new student. I would blend in because I was still young and I looked younger than I was.
I ran into a girl she, said she would show me around, we walked around for a bit, she started talking about weird things, she gradually started acting like I was her friend, she acted like she knew me.I started feeling quite strange. We were walking through the halls and she was telling me about the people we passed. This gets hazy...I didn't want to touch anyone, because I would see their lives...(?) She made me touch certain people, and then there were a lot of people in the hall, they were all around me, they were all lined up for autographs from the band, they had found out about me and they kept touching me, there were too many of them, too many people touching me at once. She took me out of there. Suddenly we were on the floor below, we had been on the second floor but we were on the ground floor now. We were walking along, I came back to myself a little, she asked me if I was ok, I nodded sleepily I thought I would be ok...But I needed to be away from everyone...I needed to remember who I was...I wasn't sure anymore, too many people had touched me, I had seen too many lives. It was all too much. The girl that was taking me around left me alone for a little, she stood back so she wouldn't make it worse. I wanted to lean against the wall but I couldn't because if I touched the wall I would feel the life of the last person that touched the wall. She said it would be ok to touch a certain part of the wall because it was just cleaned. I tried it, there was nothing there, I could lean there, but I relaxed too much...Someone had sat down and leaned against the wall close to the floor where I was, I didn't make sure it was safe closer to the floor, I sank to the floor and when the dizziness stopped and I could stand again I wasn't me anymore...I still knew who I was for a little while...But it slowly left...I was trying to get myself back and I was walking down the hall with her to the nurses office and we went in because I was sick. I laid down on the bed that they had there. I asked her not to touch me, if one more person touched me I would lose myself. She didn't believe me. She tried not to touch me, I think, but after a few minutes she forgot and she touched me, then she was asking me if I could be pregnant, I said I couldn't be, not only was I a virgin, I was a guy. She asked me if I had sex recently, I said no, that I'd never had sex before. She went out of the room, someone came into the room, a guy and then people kept touching me, my shoulders, my arms, my back, and I lost myself completely.
I was asleep and a woman came and woke me up and gave me something to drink, then she took me to different houses and had me tell her what went on in each house and at Otto's house there was a window that she had me look into and then she went into the house and was telling me weird things. I looked through the window, at first I saw nothing, then I saw a girl asleep, then her father came in (he might have been her step father), at first I thought he was just checking on her, to make sure she was ok, like many parents would do, then she said that he was going to attack her, he went over to her bed and started touching her, and then she became a white woman , she became the woman that was telling me what was happening, then she was herself again, and he turned into a big dog, a wolf, then a pit bull, or the other way around, and then she said he had to be shot. She said something had to be done, I said she should do something, she said I had to do it, she said that I had a gun, and I had to shoot the wolf that was attacking the girl or he would get the younger one next, the younger girl was laying in her bed asleep and I couldn't let anything happen to her, so finally she convinced me to shoot the wolf, I fired the gun, then the people turned into Otto and his wife, and he got a shot gun and fired it at me, I ran she told me to run and hide in the backyard. I said the wolf wasn't dead yet, I had missed, she said she would take care of it, she went back into the house and killed him, I think, then we went back to the house after everything calmed down and she told me to get the baby, I couldn't get to her because there was a window, so she said the pig that they kept in a pen out side next to the house was a baby, and I had to pick it up and carry it to safety, first she said it was my sister then my daughter, then my sister again. We ran , or rather she ran, I stumbled, around the neighborhood, half the time she carried the pig because I kept falling down or tripping, and I don't remember getting to the stairs but....
There was something about these guys next door, first the house was my grandmother's house, and my father's house was next door, and I went back and forth between the two and...I believed this, I don't know why, they took me back and forth between the two houses and said at one house I had to be black and the other I had to be white, and I had to take a bath at my "grandmother's house" , maybe this was someone else, I don't remember much of this place, but it wasn't really anyone's home, or if someone did live there, they didn't clean the place up or use the living room at all- the living room was all dirty, there was a bath tub in the middle of the room there were all kinds of things laying around the room and each one was supposed to be something different and I couldn't understand how anyone would think that the place was different than it was, but I had thought that it was different, part of me knew it was hallucination at first...
I didn't want to be around people too much and if I were an actual part of the band I would have to sign autographs and there were too many chances that I'd be touched and see another's life.My mother didn't want me to put myself in a situation that I couldn't control, but I thought I could, I thought I was more in control of it than I was. I thought I could contain it.
They were going somewhere for a little bit and I said I would go back to the hotel room, but I was mad, and I needed to clear my head, to let off some steam, so I went for a walk and saw the school and went in.Since I wasn't really a member of the band, my picture wasn't out yet, I didn't think many people would know who I was. I went to a high school, where the band was going to visit later in the day, to check it out. We were staying at the motel practically right next to the school. I walked over to the school and thought I'd pretend to be a new student. I would blend in because I was still young and I looked younger than I was.
I ran into a girl she, said she would show me around, we walked around for a bit, she started talking about weird things, she gradually started acting like I was her friend, she acted like she knew me.I started feeling quite strange. We were walking through the halls and she was telling me about the people we passed. This gets hazy...I didn't want to touch anyone, because I would see their lives...(?) She made me touch certain people, and then there were a lot of people in the hall, they were all around me, they were all lined up for autographs from the band, they had found out about me and they kept touching me, there were too many of them, too many people touching me at once. She took me out of there. Suddenly we were on the floor below, we had been on the second floor but we were on the ground floor now. We were walking along, I came back to myself a little, she asked me if I was ok, I nodded sleepily I thought I would be ok...But I needed to be away from everyone...I needed to remember who I was...I wasn't sure anymore, too many people had touched me, I had seen too many lives. It was all too much. The girl that was taking me around left me alone for a little, she stood back so she wouldn't make it worse. I wanted to lean against the wall but I couldn't because if I touched the wall I would feel the life of the last person that touched the wall. She said it would be ok to touch a certain part of the wall because it was just cleaned. I tried it, there was nothing there, I could lean there, but I relaxed too much...Someone had sat down and leaned against the wall close to the floor where I was, I didn't make sure it was safe closer to the floor, I sank to the floor and when the dizziness stopped and I could stand again I wasn't me anymore...I still knew who I was for a little while...But it slowly left...I was trying to get myself back and I was walking down the hall with her to the nurses office and we went in because I was sick. I laid down on the bed that they had there. I asked her not to touch me, if one more person touched me I would lose myself. She didn't believe me. She tried not to touch me, I think, but after a few minutes she forgot and she touched me, then she was asking me if I could be pregnant, I said I couldn't be, not only was I a virgin, I was a guy. She asked me if I had sex recently, I said no, that I'd never had sex before. She went out of the room, someone came into the room, a guy and then people kept touching me, my shoulders, my arms, my back, and I lost myself completely.
I was asleep and a woman came and woke me up and gave me something to drink, then she took me to different houses and had me tell her what went on in each house and at Otto's house there was a window that she had me look into and then she went into the house and was telling me weird things. I looked through the window, at first I saw nothing, then I saw a girl asleep, then her father came in (he might have been her step father), at first I thought he was just checking on her, to make sure she was ok, like many parents would do, then she said that he was going to attack her, he went over to her bed and started touching her, and then she became a white woman , she became the woman that was telling me what was happening, then she was herself again, and he turned into a big dog, a wolf, then a pit bull, or the other way around, and then she said he had to be shot. She said something had to be done, I said she should do something, she said I had to do it, she said that I had a gun, and I had to shoot the wolf that was attacking the girl or he would get the younger one next, the younger girl was laying in her bed asleep and I couldn't let anything happen to her, so finally she convinced me to shoot the wolf, I fired the gun, then the people turned into Otto and his wife, and he got a shot gun and fired it at me, I ran she told me to run and hide in the backyard. I said the wolf wasn't dead yet, I had missed, she said she would take care of it, she went back into the house and killed him, I think, then we went back to the house after everything calmed down and she told me to get the baby, I couldn't get to her because there was a window, so she said the pig that they kept in a pen out side next to the house was a baby, and I had to pick it up and carry it to safety, first she said it was my sister then my daughter, then my sister again. We ran , or rather she ran, I stumbled, around the neighborhood, half the time she carried the pig because I kept falling down or tripping, and I don't remember getting to the stairs but....
There was something about these guys next door, first the house was my grandmother's house, and my father's house was next door, and I went back and forth between the two and...I believed this, I don't know why, they took me back and forth between the two houses and said at one house I had to be black and the other I had to be white, and I had to take a bath at my "grandmother's house" , maybe this was someone else, I don't remember much of this place, but it wasn't really anyone's home, or if someone did live there, they didn't clean the place up or use the living room at all- the living room was all dirty, there was a bath tub in the middle of the room there were all kinds of things laying around the room and each one was supposed to be something different and I couldn't understand how anyone would think that the place was different than it was, but I had thought that it was different, part of me knew it was hallucination at first...
posted by Me @ 9/10/2004 11:21:00 AM
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