My Grandpa

My grandpa is still in the hospital and is just getting worse and worse. He had a staph infection from the IV they had had to put in his neck and became delirious. His right pupil was 3x as dialated as the left and they were going to do a catscan last night. I don't know what happened with the cat scan, but when I called the hospital today I foud out that the staph infection was gone but that he had contracted a bacterial infection. It's fatal and contagious. He is even more delirious than before and the doctor said that if anyone wanted to visit they should do it today or tomorrow at the lateset. All hope is not lost. He could still come through this and be okay.
Please please pray for him. Even if you never prayed before. It doesn't matter if you believe in God or not, just please pray.
I'm about to leave to go visit him, I hope they will let me in the room.

Christmas

I woke up Christmas eve after having 3 hours of sleep.
As soon as I was pretty mush awake enough I started getting things ready. Angie put the turkey in the oven. I peeled the potatoes, got the green beans ready, etc. I had to reheat several things a few times because the turkey wasn't done when it was supposed to be. Then finally everything was done and we ate dinner.
It was very very yummy.
We opened presents.
Angie's kids really liked all their gifts. Everyone seemed to like what I got them. My mom acted like she was going to cry when she opened my gift.
Caitlyn liked what my mom got for her. She seemed to like one of the gifts I got for her.
My grandma opened the chocolates I got for her and grandpa since grandpa is still in the hospital and can not have solid foods right now.
I got a snow globe and some fudge. Two kinds of fudge in the package and I can't eat one of them due to corn syrup.
I spent all of my money on presents. I have 10 dollars to last me a week. I got two presents. 2, count them- one, two. Wow! OMG!
I don't want to sound all ungrateful or anything but..... Did I do something wrong? Did I piss off Santa? What did I do to not deserve any presents?
The snow globe is from my mom and Missy. Missy had spent too much and my mom decided to pay half and they'd say the gifts were from both of them. My mom still bought everyone ELSE another present. Angie got what Missy got for her plus a steamer. I didn't get a "plus". Where's my "plus"???
Honestly I didn't really even think about it until my dad asked me what I got, I told him, and he said "And...? That can't be all you got, that's only two presents!"
Seriously, if someone could possibly enlighten me as to what I did to my family to make them forget me for Christmas I'd really appreciate it.


__________________________________________________
Edited to include the following-

About an hour after I got that off my chest I started to actually think about it. I knew 3 months ago that Christams was going to be hard on everyone and not to expect any presents. I bought so many presents for other people becuase I knew they prolly wouldn't get many presents if I didn't. I also spent a whole heck of a lot of money on myself. I bought a camera, 7 DVDs, some books, a book mark, etc., and with each purchase I made for myself I was thinking about Christmas. Not that I thought of them as Christmas presents, but I did think of them as presents for myself.
As I said I didn't think much about not getting many presents until it was brought to my attention. I was just in a post-Christmas rush doldrum type of place when I wrote this.
To everyone I bitched to about this- I am really sorry. Forgive me?

Grandpa

YAY!
Seriously. Yay!
Ok-
They didn't operate last Friday because he was so weak. They waited until Monday. He was doing so well afterwards that they didn't even need to place him in ICU to recover. They just took him back to his room. I went to visit him Tuesday night and he acted so happy when we arrived I think his whole "Don't come up here" thing was for show. He seemed a little weak, but still seemed to be doing great. I'm so glad.
We are holding off on Christmas dinner until he gets home, which will probably be next week. I think we are going to take his Christmas presents to him before that though. I haven't actually discussed that with him or my grandma yet, so I'm not entirely certain...

This is so cute

http://www.angryalien.com/

Check out the bunny at the end of "Jaws"

My grandfather

Is in the hospital.
He's very sick.
He goes into surgery tomorrow morning.
He keeps talking and acting as if he is about to die.
He's acted that way before, I just never really...
It's not that I think he's going to live forever...I just don't...
This time is different though...I'm scared.
I've been scared for him before, it's just... Now I'm really really scared.
I don't want to lose him.
I would miss him so much.
Everyone would.
I don't know what we would do without him.


If there was some way to extend his life by decreasing mine I'd do it.
Like trade the last few years of my life so that his life could be a little longer.
That would be incredibly selfish of me though.
I know he's tired.
I know he's sick of life.
I know he sometimes prays to die so his pain will end.
So to try to extend his misery just because I would miss him...

I was just going to post about him being sick and ask people to keep him in their prayers. I don't think I could stop there though.

In a way I feel I should be preparing myself for the worst and reminding myself how if that were to happen he would no longer be in pain and he would be at peace.

In a way I feel like convincing myself he is invincible and will never die.
That I would know somehow before hand...
I don't want to visit him in the hospital.
I'm afraid if I do I'll start crying and upset him.
I know I will cry.
I know it will upset him.
I'm afraid that me crying in front of him will somehow make him feel worse than before and then maybe he won't fight as hard to stay here...
If that makes any sense ...
It's irrational I know, if he is going to die it would be best if I go and see him one last time and be with him to comfort him.
How much comfort would I be right now?
I'm crying. I'm scared for him and how can me letting him know that I'm crying and scared make him feel better?
I don't think I could stay away if it came right down to it. I mean if we heard there were only days left and there was no way around it, I'd go, I...
I ...

Very long dream

I was in girls home. I went to visit a foster home to see if it would work out. I didn't want to like them, but before long I did like them.They had several floors, like 6 or 8 floors, not really sure cuz I never reached the bottom. I stayed with them for awhile. We were listening to music on one of the levels and then the dream jumped....(not sure what goes between)...I was on really good terms with Patrick, he had just gotten out of jail I think. We talked on the phone a lot and he lived basically right across the street. I needed to borrow his van to go look for a job but he wasn't home. I knew where he kept the keys and figured he wouldn't mind so I borrowed it anyway. I went to the places I needed to go and to be extra nice filled the gas tank up all the way. Then the van started acting all funny and I could barely control it. I was trying to get back to his place when a police car came up behind me. They said to pull over and I stopped in the middle of the turning lane because I was having such a hard time controlling it. Then they started acting like they thought I was dangerous or something and started yelling into the van for me to get out. I was like "ok." and started getting out. Once they saw that I was cooperating and trying to be helpful they calmed down, didn't even make me finish the stupid drunk driving tests (touch yer nose, walk a straight line..) because right in the middle of those the female officer noticed these lights on the front end of the van. She started asking me questions about what I had done that day. I mentioned the gas and she asked if I had filled the other fluids. "Not all of them..." "I was just wondering because in these vehicles you have to maintain a fluid balance or the system gets messed up and it's almost impossible to drive like that." So they determined that it WAS just a fluid imbalance , not reckless driving or drunken driving or anything like that and they let me go. I took the van back to Pat's house. I waited for him to get home because I wanted to explain about the van. I waited for hours, he didn't show up and I had someplace I had to be, so I left. I was supposed to meet someone at this restaurant, a friend. I get there and she's waiting outside. On the way to the restaurant some one kept either trying to kill me or trying to keep me from getting there. Once in front of the restaurant he started shooting, sniping. We go into the restaurant. I think it's one of those restaurants inside a mall with it's own entrance or something- either that or it just had a really funky layout. We go inside and then it gets a little hazy. We're walking around and we meet up with my mom (not my mom in real life, but she plays my mom in this dream) she starts pestering me about dating. Starts pointing out guys she thinks I should like. Some of them are cute. She is also pestering me about my career choices because she doesn't think my area of research is going to bring me much money or acclaim. (At this point in the dream I am suddenly a scientist.) I tell her I'm very happy in my work and maybe I will go into another aspect of the field soon, but for now just be happy that I'm happy. She also acts all worried about how I keep looking over my shoulder and up at the ceiling. (There are sky lights up there and the sniper was on top of that building.) I explain the sniper situation. She doesn't believe me. She doesn't believe my friend. I tell her she can go look at the bullet holes in the statue outside if she wants proof. I get up to go show her exactly where the bullet holes are and we walk towards the front of the restaurant. We get to the door and then the dream changes again. Suddenly I'm back inside the restaurant and I'm waiting in line. I'm on my lunch break and I start talking to this guy. He is also a scientist and we start talking about work, nothing too detailed so I still don't know what field I'm in. I think it has something to do with young adults or something. I keep thinking about teenagers and how I want to help them. He asks me on a date, we start to work out the details, date, time, where, do we meet there or does he pick me up... And the dream changes again. (There was a bit of a transition here, like time passed or recessed or something, I have a feeling that something happened, just don't know what.) So then I'm (back) at this one guy's house and he's talking about music, we are listening to his cds and he picked up this one and said it was this one band. I liked the music a lot, then this other guy came over and wanted to borrow that CD. He told him that it was in the player. The new guy looked and said "No, his is Odyssey. Here's ____. " Then the first guy said he thought he had put it in the player, and that he guessed he must have just not looked at the CD. I got the impression that neither of them liked the band Odyssey, I couldn't understand that because I thought it was great. ( I did a search online for a band by that name, couldn't find one yet. There are lot of songs with that in the title just no bands. The album cover was a bunch of guys with long hair, they looked like a 70's or 80's hair band and some of their stuff sounded like power ballads.)At one point I was driving down the street inbetween scenarios... I was either driving down the street one block over from my grandparents' house or one that looked like it and I looked over and could see between the trees. (When driving down the street near my grandparents' house there is one point where there is a clearing in the trees and you can look through and see our driveway and tell if anyone is home or if anyone is visiting before you get there.) I looked over way before the clearing and was surprised that they had put a trash dump right there, it was full of newspapers all piled up and stacked on top of each other, not neatly, but like someone had made an effort to stack them. Then as I'm driving along there is another set of trees then another clearing and that clearing is a dump too, a bunch of junk, couldn't classify it as a specific thing, just junk. There are 5 or 6 clearings in all. One is old broken toys, one is newer toys that have been ruined and when I get to where the clearing for my grandparents' should be there's just trees and the next clearing is ... Well, different. There are walls and a floor, no roof or anything so it's still technically outside, but it was like a toy store. I pulled over because this was just too weird, and i climbed down into the "toy store". I looked around and so totally wanted to get some of those toys, some because i thought they were cool, some because i thought Caitie would think they were cool. Then I climbed back up and Tonya was there with me, she said she thought the toys were for sale and we would have to wait until the clerk came back. While we waited we looked the toys over and played with a couple of them (they had these puppets and who can resist trying out a puppet or marionette?). The guy came back and we started asking prices and deciding what to buy.Then it went on to another part of the dream, I just can't remember where this fit in.

Updates

Ok, let's see...
Ben Franklin is now closed, or at least the store near my house. I went to their store closing sale several times. I got a bunch of fabric and paint and a few other things. If I had thought about it I would have bought several yards of one fabric, I could have made some kick ass curtains. They were already out of joints and noses but I'm pretty much stocked up on those. Since they didn't have any black paint I bought some full price from another store. I now have almost every color I can think of that I might wanna use. I could use some more red paint but I have three shades already. I now have so much blue it's ridiculous, three shades of purple, two greens, an orange, white and black. I have black!!!!! I have other colors, but I've had those for a while. I need canvas, I'm not running out or anything, just kind of want a higher quality canvas.
Oh hey-

I'll get better pics once it dries, the true color is somewhere in between those two. This painting was a pain in the booty. I swear there must be like 5 layers of paint on that canvas. I just kept having this blockage whenever I tried to paint on it.
I'm really wanting to go to a hardware store and get some MDF so I can make my own canvas panels, so far I haven't gotten around to it though.
I also need to make a wet canvas carrying box. Not that I wanna carry them around all over the place, but I need to put them somewhere until they dry, they take up so much room.
I finished my trunk, I hope I coated it enough. It's drying in the garage right now because it stinks. It'll be there until sometime next week.

I will take better pictures once it's back inside the house. Also I didn't get to take any of the shelf yet.
....
All my Christmas presents are bought and almost all of them are wrapped. Hopefully I won't buy any more. I did have all my shopping done and all the presents were wrapped, then I went to a store. I only meant to get something for Alex's birthday, then I saw these oh too cute frogs that Angie would love. Then I thought "Hey, I didn't get anything for ____." and couldn't leave him out, I mean I got everyone else presents.
....
Oh yeah, I am making chocolate covered peanuts and peanut butter cups, not tonight- but soon. Also thinking about making this cake my grandparents like I think it's called "pig in a poke cake" not sure though...It has fluffy frosting and fruit in it, it's yummy.
Grandpa isn't feeling all that well. I had to help him into the house the other day because his leg went numb and he felt really weak. I'm glad I was here. I'm glad Grandma was here or I wouldn't have known since I was on the other side of the house and didn't hear him.
....
I have all of Geoffrey's presents wrapped and waiting to be sent off but now I have to wait for Marc to give me the address. Hopefully he gets online soon, I would like for him to have the presents for Christmas, not New Year's.
He's getting a bunch of Hot Wheels stuff, a game from my mom, and some army action figure type thing from Missy.
....
I got presents for just about everyone, even people I don't know that well and I know aren't getting gifts for me. I couldn't help it though. I would see something that looked cool then I'd be all "Who would like this?" and then I'd think of someone not on my list.
I so totally meant to give paintings as presents and just paintings for some people. That didn't happen. Angie is getting a painting, Alex is getting a painting, my Grandma is getting a painting, and possibly my mom though I haven't decided yet. My grandma said I should give a painting to my dad, I really don't know if he'd like any of these though. He is always surprising me, so I could be wrong...
....
Ok, just finished wrapping presents. I still have some paintings to wrap if I decide to give them out, other than that I should be done.

I found blank canvases so I think I'll paint a little more tonight.

No more romance posts

Ok, I found out what happened with the guy I called "Sweetiepie".
He read my blog and decided he didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Boo hoo.
I'm so terribly upset.
Completely inconsolable.
I just can't get over it.
Whatever.
I personally feel it's about stupid to break up with someone because of a web site. It's not like I posted dirty pictures of him or talked about intimate details or anything like that, I didn't even reveal his name for the longest. Ok, that's not his deal. It's that I acted all excited over the relationship. I think he thought I was really jumping up and down or something. I don't really know.
I mean is it really that hard to read? I thought I made the whole thing clear. I exaggerate, I use sarcasm, I do not actually act/talk/feel exactly this way in real life. He has actually met me in person and should have an idea of how I acted towards him which was nothing like what I wrote in my posts. It was a very laid back, calm, comfy, cuddly, I-like-you-you-like-me-so-let's-date-for-awhile-and-not-read-much-into-it kind of a thing.
I guess to really get this blog you'd have to understand women, not only women, but sisters. Most of my posts were written shortly after spending time with my sister, and thus heavily influenced by the way we act together. In case you hadn't noticed, we act like dorks. We joke and kid and fake swoon and point out guys that are WAY ugly or like 100 years old and say "That's yer new boyfriend." In short we act like 12 year old girls.
How did this affect my posts about "Sweetiepie"? Well, duuuh.

Anyways, he broke it off because I was talking about being content.
I guess I shouldn't talk about my love life online anymore.
I guess it's about to get really really boring, and we all know who we can thank for that.

Finally

I know ya'll have been waiting for like ever for me to take pics of my newer paintings, I finally did! I know! I know! You just can't hardly contain yerself can you?
I even messed with the camera settings so they came out at least close to right. I didn't get them all though.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry though, I will take pics as soon as I can. The only reason I didn't is that some are too big and I have to put them on the easel to take the pics, can't right now cause one of them is drying there. Also, couldn't take pics of the wet oils.
I think I lost a painting somewhere. Not a new one though, have pics of it already on the site.
Ok, without further ado, or maybe just a little, here they are-



Just to show that I really did mess with the settings, and I'm serious about some of them not looking the same in the pics.


This one is still drying on the easel. Just painted this one tonight. (BTW, it's the bottom two.)


(This is as close as I could get, it's much more pastel than this and not so orange.) This is almost dry.


Just thinking about adding some backgrounds to my b&w's.


Ok, Angie said not to touch this one, to leave it "as is" or she'd kick my booty. I had to fix the eyes though.

Elfen Girl.


Green Algae Field
(probably not keeping that name, does make me think of seaweed or algae though)



The last one. So glad I got it right. I really like it all purply though, have to think about painting another one...


Heavenly Hash
(Yeah, like the ice cream.)


There is no yellow in this painting, I don't know how it is that I could get the white in the others to stop looking yellow, yet I couldn't get this one to look right. I almost got the white to pop, but the pastel lilacish purples didn't show up.


Not really a name yet. Also, don't know why I couldn't get this one right either, didn't wanna bother too much with it since I don't really like how it turned out.


Ok, when you look at this is there a shape other than just lines? I mean I didn't paint any forms into this picture. I swear it doesn't look like this on the canvas.


See a theme?


I wanna go swimming. Can you tell I'm a water sign? I love painting with blues, so much fun.